Pictures

I'm back at the coffee shop and there is a girl sitting by one of the walls with her camera phone taking pictures. One of the things that I sometimes wonder is how many pictures I am just in the background of. I know, random, but a thought nonetheless. Maybe I am the only person who has ever wondered that...

So, what is the point of a blog? Is it so that people can follow what you are up to in your life? To read about what you are learning, experiencing, seeing, believing? What if you just kind of want to write, not necessarily with anyone in mind? Like you secretly want people to read what you are writing, but you also just want to keep it to yourself. As much as you can keep things to yourself when you post it on the internet! Then again, maybe that's just me. Who knows.

I am insanely private...really only telling people what I want them to know. Which makes the idea of a blog a little odd. But anyway, I don't know how to fully let people in. It's frustrating, and I am not saying that as a copout, that is the truth. And what does it look like to walk through life with other people? Do I really want to let people in? I know that I have built walls up in order to protect myself. I have been hurt/burned too many times in the past. So there's the whole walking through that process. And I know that there are probably other people that can walk with me, but honestly, I don't know that I want that.

So that's probably sharing more of my heart than I had originally intended, but it makes it a little easier when there is not someone sitting across from me staring at me. So, I still feel safe...somewhat anyway.

Questions...

So I'm sitting at my favorite coffee shop wondering what exactly should go here. I love people watching, and I am convinced that one of greatest places to people watch is at coffee shops! And maybe the people watching is a way for me to allow myself the time to think through all of the questions.

I am just coming off an amazing trip...and I am really struggling with how to process all of that. How do I reconcile/justify my life with everything that I saw and experienced? I don't want to go back to the same old way of life...how do I ensure that doesn't happen? I guess that I am just in a place of questions. Oh the joys!

Then there are just the basic life questions...am I where I am supposed to be? Is this season nearing an end? Do I need to go somewhere else? Am I okay with going somewhere else? What does that look like? Do I need to know what that looks like?

I am guessing this is going to require some major time on my face. But that's okay...in fact that will be phenomenal! I just need to make sure that I take the time to do so. Otherwise I fear that I will slip back into what I know to be comfortable. And I am kind of sick of staying comfortable. I want to be stretched beyond what I know.